There was a point in my math undergrad when I seriously considered transferring to study English. I had an interest in literature and wanted to follow my heart. In debt and more than halfway done, I nixed the idea.
Now, I sit upon 5 years of STEM industry experience, and frankly I find myself to be very neutral, and perhaps borderline disappointed, about the roles I’ve taken in STEM, whether it be engineering, writing, or research. I don’t find that I have a vocation in life to build tech companies' infrastructure or pursue “higher” jobs on the corporate ladder of this niche. Finding software problems that I’m actually interested in working on isn’t impossible, but it sure feels like it sometimes.
The truth is, these jobs solved one issue for me: money. That was my ultimate goal, after all, for going to college: a lucrative career. Or, that was the goal that was fed to me at least. There’s no shame in that. With college prices in the US averaging tens of thousands of dollars per year, there was really not much choice but to study for a degree that had a promising return on investment (ROI).
The fact that we even consider ROI when choosing topics to pursue in higher education is an unfortunate consequence of how the US has made a business out of college itself and undermined the enjoyment of higher ed, for the professors too. Frankly, it’s kind of sad, and produces numerous disengaged graduates who robotically fulfill their duties for a paycheck but couldn’t care less about their field. There’s a reason why software has a depression problem.
“Two Cars”, oil, by Andrii Frolov
It’s hard not to shake my head at how STEM careers are pushed so feverishly and have a sort of cult following behind them. I enjoyed learning science, don’t get me wrong, but I certainly didn’t feel more worldly coming out of it. Undergrads looking to develop their understanding of the wider world may leave fairly empty-handed after completing a STEM program.
Computer science in particular can really lack in fulfilling real human development and worldliness – beyond financial gain. It’s logic, facts, and tools, and the application of them. Many of the projects I worked on left me burnt, feeling like a robot. By design, the robotic nature of STEM fields is necessary, though. A bridge must withstand certain forces. It must, there is no other option but failure. It’s math, cut and dry, albeit very complicated.
If liberal arts “teach you how to think”, then STEM “shows you what is fact”. Where art says “think, openly, in relative perspective”, STEM says “verify, quantitatively, in absolute truth”. This difference is good, and keeps bridges from falling down, and paintings from becoming boring.
That being said, us humans, our lived experience, thoughts, emotions, decisions, are notoriously illogical and chaotic. The majority of real insights that I learned in college about the human workings of our decisions, minds, society and world, came from softer science courses like psychology, or liberal arts ones like English. And now, it comes from studying history, philosophy, and other liberal arts on my own time.
I wouldn’t study linear algebra or topology to understand the human condition, or the society that I live in. That’s not to say that these fields aren’t important – they are solving problems in engineering and medicine – but that they don’t provide a model to use to develop your own real-world human curiosity and worldview outside of their associated niche STEM fields. Liberal arts does (if not squandered), and I think corralling people into STEM and selling them on a paycheck hides the value of this type of human development that will be missed. For what it’s worth, the US values money above all else, so it makes sense why STEM is/was being pushed so hard. There is a reason our infrastructure is ugly for 1st-world standards, which seems to me to tie into the lack of engagement with our artistic side as a whole country.
Feeling full of abstract concepts but empty in human understanding and development, is a bit how I feel I left college. These abstract concepts can solve problems for us, but they are not centered in the human experience, so at times, they really left me feeling dumb about my lack of comprehension of the real things – politically, socially, culturally, or otherwise – happening around me.
I think about going back for a year or two and getting a B.A. in liberal arts, before my life is too set up and I will feel awkward in college again, or before I become my own enemy and dig in my heels into STEM work too deep and sell myself away as a robot to the machine again. The circumstances around choosing a college major as a high schooler, facing tens of thousands in college debt before even starting my life, were stressful – and for what it’s worth, I don’t deeply regret my decision to study STEM. Math is awesome.
I do think, however, that I would try to do things differently if I could go back in time (maybe just stop my great-grandparents from emigrating and get free EU tuition?), and that it may be worth it to follow my heart some day more officially, with professional review, instead of on cornbread journals. :)
Daniel